Has anyone ever told you you are being selfish for taking care of yourself?

Do you ever feel like wanting to do something for yourself is selfish?

People who put their needs first are often labelled selfish. And most people fear this label.

But consider where people expect you to place your attention, if not on yourself.

They are asking you not to put so much attention on yourself and more on them.

Doesn't that sound selfish?

And that's the thing about being selfish; it's either attention on you or people asking you to place your attention on others.

Like everything else, it's not black and white; it's a full spectrum.

And like all energy fields, you are at your best when you can safely navigate it fully - comfortably in any part of the spectrum - not cutting off the flow by holding on to one side as "good" and suppressing the other side you deem as "bad". 

Because that desire to have more of one end of the spectrum, and less of the other end, is exactly what keeps you feeling stuck.

And too often, it expresses itself in you resenting a part of yourself.

Thinking part of you is damaged, unworthy or unlovable.

But when you prioritize the needs of other people over your own, you are suppressing part of who you are.

Have you ever felt that feeling that part of you is not welcome or desirable?

Because anytime you feel the need to suppress part of who you are to please others or fit in, that's a traumatic experience. It's a way that you separate from parts of yourself, and it's like breaking yourself off, piece by piece, expecting to find wholeness.

And it drains you of your energy and feeling of well-being.

It leads to burnout, fatigue, stress, depression, anxiety and frustration.

Because the truth is you are already whole and complete, and you don't have to change to fit in.

Breaking off and hiding parts of who you are will never make you feel whole. It will only perpetuate the opposite.

Does that make sense?

Can you bring to mind a part of you that you have disowned or that makes you feel uncomfortable - like you don't fit in?

You want to re-integrate those parts.

You want access to your fullest range of expression so that who you are works for you rather than against you.

And you do it by finding the benefits and stacking ways that those parts serve you.

For instance, if you are overly responsible, and notice people who are not responsible, then you have likely disowned the irresponsible part of you.

And that limits you because once you judge being irresponsible, you disown it, and you vow never to be it.

But then you forsake the value of being irresponsible.

So, practice brainstorming ways that irresponsible might serve you. What are the benefits of being irresponsible?

Then brainstorm ways that being responsible is costing you. What are the downsides to being responsible?

We tend to be in black and white, good and bad, thinking, but there is good and bad in all things. There are ways that you are served by the "bad" and ways you are limited by the "good."

It's important to be clear and stack on both sides of the spectrum to have a balanced perspective that serves you.

The truth is the marriage of both sides.

Getting clear helps dissolve the notion that you must always be responsible, which is a heavy burden.

It's never "this OR that" but a "this AND that."

So how can you have, or utilize, both sides of what seems opposites? That's where you stand in your full power.

Much love,

Marie-Josee

Live. Love. Laugh. It matters because YOU matter.

Ps. Need help finding or re-integrating your disowned parts? Sign up to Q&A Coaching. It's like a complete navigation system at your fingertips. Or schedule a private session with me and let's get you the insight you need to break through any perceived blocks or barriers. Never underestimate the power of a meaningful conversation.